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The 3 Israelites who won’t make it to Raila’s Canaan: The Observer’s Monologue

The Nasarites are soo ready to join the caravan to the much hyped ‘Canaan ya Joshua.” With popular hashtags like #AdoptABusStation and #RaiLonzoNaneNane killing our boredom on traffic jams every evening, I just can’t stop guessing the faces we could see in the probable Canaan government. This Canaan is not for everyone, and here are some of the notable Israelites who may not dine on the same table with Joshua if Canaan finally happens.

  1. The Pharisees

These are people who were having a good time in water when Noah was building the ark.

The Pharisees claimed self-righteousness, but were evidently proud and hypocritical. This group risks being plunged out of Raila’s Canaan for failing to apologize before the mercy windows were closed.

  1. The Magicians

They beat the odds by doing the unexpected- their nominations were won in spectacular comebacks against their opponents.

They probably earned their status through falsehood, thus breaking one of the Ten Commandments (Do not steal). On judgement day, the 8th of August, their files will be opened and all their deeds will be exposed. The wrath of the electorate will bar them from entering Raila’s Canaan. I don’t have Canaan’s rollcall yet, but I hope Busia residents recognize the owner of the truck above.

  1. The insolent and revenge-seekers

They disobeyed their Baba, complained a lot and were not ready to walk with Joshua. They broke the fundamental commandment of “Obey your father and…”I even doubt if they will be accommodated in Canaan if this is how they attack people.

While it is difficult to predict political outcomes, ones’ footing in the winning team matters in candidates’ victories.  As such, defectors and candidates who won party tickets using shambolic means may have a difficult time making it to the next government.

All posts under The Observer’s Monologue series are powered by Fabulous Journalism, a Nairobi Observer’s Initiative that stands against Fake News.

The author is a writer and contributor at The Nairobi Observer. He is also the founder and author of Shark Freelance: A blog that details step-by step tips for freelance writers and internet entrepreneurs.
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