Ultimately I broke up with him and then came back because of his crying and apologizing, only for him to pick an argument with me a week later and say that we were no longer together. I realized that his ego was bruised when I told him I didn’t want to be with him, so he made up with me just to break up, so he could have the last word.
After we broke up, he tried to repair things with his wife, and that didn’t work, and I think he realized very quickly that no sane woman would deal with his enormous ego for how little he gives in return. I can’t stand him, and he’s nothing but a constant reminder of all the mistakes I made and how low my self-esteem was at the time to have put up with him for so long.”
Six years after graduating high school, I had an affair with my former gym teacher. In high school, all of the girls drooled over him; he was this tall, buff guy, with bright blue eyes and the ex-NFL look. The idea that I was a student and the age difference and taboo made me want it even more. When I was 17, I remember fantasizing that we’d hook up in his office after field hockey practice. We all knew he was married, and there were rumors that he was having his first child with his wife right around the time I graduated. Still, I flirted and felt that little fire when we made eye contact, but I thought nothing of it since I was about to head off to college. When I was 18, he was only 30 to 32, so he was prime age of sexiness.
Years later, I was living in Boston and decided to LinkedIn-friend him. I was shocked when I got a message back from him saying, ‘Thanks for the request 😉 looking good.’ We went back and forth via LinkedIn messaging, and he escalated things to asking me if I’d ‘come by my old high school during school hours wearing my old field hockey skirt.’ It was this dreamy, unreal situation. This was the man who used to give me a B+ for not running fast enough in gym class.
He met my friends and I (who also went to high school with us) out at a Chinese restaurant. Ballsy. I remember getting into his car with car seats in the back. He acted like he was this single guy completely unashamed of running around the city with a former student.
The affair lasted for about four months. We had sex a couple of times. It was incredibly built up from what I thought it’d be. He was smaller, and nothing felt full inside of me. He turned out to be a huge freak in bed, but I’d still take random sex with a guy my own age. The actual physical part of it was far less gratifying than the fantasy. This guy has a wife who is a fitness model and two kids. He especially got off on the twisted idea of having sex in his bed at home, going so far as to sneak me in when his wife was out training. He’d talk to me about wanting to see me out in a restaurant when he was with his wife, and meet me in the bathroom. At first, I felt evil and uncomfortable. I was an accessory, and I acted like one — I was young and at the time didn’t really know better. I could have said no, but I was in the pits of my own life, so to have some guy falling over me who my high school friends and I once fantasized over was like being on top of the crowd. I lacked the grounding to realize this six years later, when many people moved on past high school. They forgot this gym teacher we all revolved around, and the idea became pathetic.
I didn’t like the guy he became: mushy, clingy, and desperately trying to evade his current married life and invade mine. I got so turned off by that desire he had to be ‘cool’ and ‘sexy.’ It detracted from the hot, steamy feeling of having an affair with a confident, mysterious married man. He’s a washed-up gym teacher who is awful to his wife and two sons. I can do better.”
*Names have been changed.
These interviews have been edited for length and clarity.