Dear E. Jean: I’m a guy in love with three women. First, there’s my second ex-wife. We had the greatest sex and tons of fun, but we also fought over everything and nothing. She’s living with a guy, but she recently confessed that she’s not happy, that I still do it for her, and that she’d like to “try again.” And let me say, she’s the best-looking woman I’ve ever been with.
My current girlfriend can be a serious ballbuster, but the sex is damn near mind-blowing, and I think it might get even better. Though she’s not as educated as I am, I enjoy her company.
Then there’s my ex-girlfriend—the most intense relationship I’ve ever experienced in my life. She’s brilliant, well educated, and amazing, but the sex wasn’t the best, and she’s pretty, not beautiful. She wants to start up again.
I know I should be putting my focus on my current girlfriend, and that’s what I’ve been doing, being faithful and loving—but I miss my ex-wife! We’re so similar, share so many viewpoints, have two great kids…but then, to make matters worse, I can’t stop thinking about my ex-girlfriend. I fell for her like a brick, very hard. And now that I have an opportunity to get back with her, I want to drop everything and run off with her! Then my ex-wife shows up looking so good, it’s hard to resist! —I’m So Confused!
P.S. Now, this will make you laugh, but with all the confusion I can also say you’re hot, E. Jean, and I’d love to take you out.
Confused, You Wild Dog: Men regret three things when their final days approach: (1) That they didn’t enjoy as many women as they could have. (2) That they didn’t live boldly enough. (3) That they had the misfortune of dating E. Jean.
I salute you, sir! You win the trifecta.
Your prize: The “ballbuster”? Nah. The ex-girlfriend with the mediocre sex? Nah. The ex-wife and mother of your children? Yes! Greatest sex? Yes! Tons of fun? Yes! Best-looking woman you’ve been with? Yes! Yes! Yes!
This letter is from the E. Jean archive.